Dealing With Your Autistic Child Regressing: A Personal Journey
The first time I observed my autistic child regressing, it felt like the world had stopped. As an autistic adult raising an autistic child, I understand firsthand how overwhelming an autistic child regressing can be.
I have been there myself – moments where the stress of life became too much, and my brain hit a reset button to cope. But seeing my child go through it was a whole different kind of heartbreak.
If you are unfamiliar, an autistic child regressing often means a temporary loss of previously acquired skills, whether it is toilet training, speaking, or even basic self care.
For my child, it was a toilet training regression that struck right before school started. I was terrified of the potential embarrassment and its impact on their self esteem.
But as I have learned through patience and understanding, an autistic child regressing is not the end of progress – they are just a pause, a moment to reset and relearn.
What is a Regression?
An autistic child regressing typically occur during times of extreme stress, anxiety, or overwhelm. The autistic brain processes information differently, often struggling to prioritize between what is important and what is not.
When the system is overloaded, the brain may let go of certain learned behaviors to create space for coping.
This can manifest as reverting to earlier behaviors, such as needing assistance with dressing, struggling with speech, or even re learning basic life skills like using the toilet.
If you want to read our journey potty training the first time ‘you can click here…’
While incredibly challenging, it is important to remember that an autistic child regressing is temporary and manageable with the right strategies and support.
Why Do Regressions Happen?
An autistic child regressing often happens when under immense stress. Things such as:
- Major life changes: Moving homes, starting school, or even redecorating a room can overwhelm their senses.
- Developmental leaps: When children are learning new skills, like speaking in longer sentences or mastering new concepts, the brain may temporarily let go of other skills to focus on the new challenge.
- Sensory overload: A heightened sensory environment, like too much noise, bright lights, or strong smells, can trigger stress.
- Emotional stress: Conflicts, misunderstandings, or even subtle changes in routines can deeply affect autistic children.
In our case, new wallpaper and developing language skills contributed to my autistic child regressing toilet training.
For my child, it was a combination of factors – a surge in new sensory input, changes in our home environment (we had just redecorated their room), and the increasing complexity of their sentences as they started forming longer conversations.
All these developments, while exciting, overwhelmed their system.
I have learned that allowing space for adjustment and reducing stressors is crucial. For example, after redecorating, I gave my children a few days to process the changes before addressing my autistic child regressing over it.
This breathing room helped us reset without adding further pressure.
My autistic child, regressing currently around toilet training because of stress is actually very common.
Other things also include my autistic child regressing with being able to eat without spilling and my autistic child regressing with being able to get dressed.
And in the case of one Autistic woman who has written a book on her regression, was starting to bang her head once again in her 30’s. (Read more about her story ‘here’)
Points to Note
Having a regression is horrible! And frustrating.
Especially for the Autistic person!
But also for their loved ones who are watching them struggle.
And for the most part, you need to start from square one again.
And, as I mentioned before. My autistic child regressing usually happens when their brain becomes too overwhelmed or experiences a significant amount of stress. In order to cope with so much information that the brain is struggling to filter through or understand, it forces us to forget. To ease the burdens on the brain.
In order to be successful in getting over a regression, the stress must be reduced.
If you know what event or situation caused your Autistic child that significant amount of stress then that must be dealt with first.
You will NEVER get over a regression if the brain is still experiencing high levels of stress at the time of the ‘re-teaching’
My Autistic Child Regressing With Potty Training.
My Autistic child, who I have potty trained is going through a regression.
This sucks for me as a parent because school is coming up.
I do not want my child to have regressions while they are in school because I am really worried about their confidence suffering, or them being singled out and bullied due to toilet accidents.
It is worth noting that young children are usually bombarded with new information and are learning new things from the minute they wake to the minute they sleep.
But if they are processing a large amount of new information then an autistic child regressing is very normal.
Also if they are beginning to speak in fuller, longer sentences then a regression can also be seen as imminent.
Undoing a Toilet Regression: What Worked for Us
Getting through a regression, especially one involving toilet training, requires patience, consistency, and a lot of empathy.
Here is what worked for us:
-
Gentle Understanding
Accidents are inevitable during a regression, but shaming or scolding only adds to the stress. Instead, I always reassure my child with our household mantra: “It’s okay, it can happen.” This simple phrase has been a game changer, helping them feel safe and supported. - Establish a Calm Environment – Regressions thrive in chaos. Reduce unnecessary stressors and stick to a predictable routine. If possible, identify the source of your child’s overwhelm and address it first.
-
Asking, Not Telling
Instead of giving direct orders like “Go to the toilet now,” I frame it as a question: “Do you feel like you need a toilet trip?” This approach fosters autonomy and keeps the experience positive. -
Modeling Behavior
I make it a point to announce my own toilet breaks and invite my child to join me. This simple act not only normalizes the routine but also provides a visual reminder of what to do. -
Visual Aids
Posters or step by step guides on the bathroom door can act as helpful prompts. Seeing a visual reminder reinforces the process in a non intrusive way. -
Reward Systems
We introduced a reward chart, where my child earns stickers for successfully using the toilet. Once the chart is full, they get a special treat, like extra screen time or a small toy. This positive reinforcement keeps them motivated. - Practice Together – If accidents happen, use them as learning moments. Calmly guide your child through the clean up process and encourage them to try again.
See the Reward Chart here
It really will encourage your child to take initiative in going to the toilet and making it be a positive experience for them.
The Role of Patience and Encouragement
Regressions are not easy – for your child or for you.
As parents, it is natural to feel frustrated or overwhelmed, but it is crucial to stay calm and supportive.
Remember, your child is not regressing on purpose. It is their brain’s way of coping with stress.
Through kindness, understanding, and a bit of creativity, you can guide your child back to where they were.
Celebrate small wins along the way, and remind yourself that progress is still progress, even if it feels like you are starting over.
Be encouraging and use kind words.
Have LOTS AND LOTS of PATIENCE.
You WILL see results.
A Final Note On What I have Learned
Through my child’s regression, I have learned to approach these moments with a mindset of compassion and curiosity.
My autistic child regressing is not because I failed to teach them properly or thoroughly enough! And it is not because they all of a sudden feel like it is not an important skill or cannot be bothered to put effort into their life.
It is a pause.
It is a signal that your child needs extra support and understanding.
And here is the silver lining – every time we have faced a regression, we have come out stronger.
It has given me the chance to connect with my child, to learn more about their needs, and to grow as a parent.
If you are navigating a regression with your autistic child, know that you are not alone. You have the strength to guide them through it and to remind them (and yourself) that setbacks are a natural part of growth.
As I have worked with my child through this regression, I have come to see it not as a setback but as an opportunity to grow closer.
It has reminded me of the importance of being present, patient, and willing to adapt.
Regression is just one part of the journey, and with love and persistence, you and your child will navigate it together.
Have you experienced regression with your autistic child?
What worked for you?
Let us share tips and support in the comments below.