#1 Advice – How To Potty Train my Autistic Child

I decided to potty train my autistic child

I am not a professional toilet expert. Or a potty expert. Or any type of an expert actually. 

If you’re looking to potty train your autistic child, you’re not alone. I’m not a professional toilet trainer or expert of any kind, but I am a parent and I did successfully potty train my autistic child. It wasn’t an easy road. It took seven long months. But we got there!

So, for anyone who told me it couldn’t be done, including the specialist who said my child might never use the toilet: I proved them wrong.

And so can you!

It just took a whole lot of determination and patience to potty train my autistic child. It might be the same for yours too

 

I always kept these things in mind when i was trying to potty train my autistic child,

• Praise is key. Lots and lots of praise.
• And rewards when the ‘job’ is done correctly. Every time my child successfully used the potty, they got a little treat (raisins worked wonders for us because my child loves these).
• Also try your best to not show annoyance. Even when cleaning accidents. To potty train my autistic child was a process. We always say ‘it’s okay, it can happen, not a problem’ – This is the mantra of my household guys. 

 

Was it easy to potty train my autistic child?

Absolutely not! When I began to potty train my autistic child, they were non verbal and so it was far, far from easy.

Difficulty to potty train an autistic child is actually one of the early signs of autism.

If you’re still unsure about whether your child might be on the spectrum, there are signs you can look for between the ages of 0-18 months, 18-30 months, and 30-48 months.

At the age of two and a half I decided it was time to potty train my autistic child.

My nieces and nephews were trained at this age, so I thought my child was ready too.

But, unlike those kids who might show cues like hiding when they need to poo, it was harder to potty train my autistic child because they had not shown these signs yet.

I took the plunge anyway and started to potty train my autistic child, even though my child couldn’t cue to me that they were ready to go.

I tried various methods like introducing books, videos, and charts to explain the process. But there were mistakes along the way.

My Mistakes/What I did WRONG when I tried to potty train my autistic child the first time! 

• Mistake #1 – Lack of Understanding

I truly felt that to potty train my autistic child, was a thing that came with age. And that age determined when to potty train.

I put my kid on the potty and I tried to make sounds that would let them know what was expected of them. (Peeing sounds, pooping sounds etc)

My kid would mimic these sounds and look back at me with a complete blank expression.  

It was very clear to me that my kid did not understand anything that was going on. My child would sit on the potty like they would on a chair. Not understanding why, the chair had a gap in the middle. 

•  Mistake #2- I tried to potty train my autistic child with a timer

I asked around for advice and was told to place a timer every 20 minutes. The idea is that your kid goes once and then the body itself should go maximum every 20 minutes. 

I would place an alarm on my phone every 20 minutes and then I would place my kid on the potty to potty train.

Whether my kid did anything on it, did not matter. Even if it worked one time, that would be enough to get the ball rolling!

However, accidents would ALWAYS happen between the 20 mins. AND THE TIMER THING WAS REALLY DIFFICULT to stick to.

The timer and my kid would always clash.

It was frustrating for both of us.

 

• Mistake #3 – Listening to ‘Experts’ instead of my instincts

One of the hardest challenges was dealing with a so-called specialist who told me that I would never be able to potty train my autistic child.

Hearing this over and over pushed me into a deep sadness. In fact, I will so as far to say that it caused me to spiral into depression.

I did not want my autistic child to conform to what she was saying.

On the outside, I would be calm and collected. But on the inside, I would cry every evening in secret.

If my kid is truly incapable of something, then so be it. It is what it is and I love them and I will be there for them. But to consistently hear how incapable my child is from so-called ‘expert’, really took it out of me.

I had a lot of faith that my child had the abilities to be able to learn potty training eventually. So I refused to believe it.

I knew my child had the ability to learn, and I was determined to give it my all.

 

Taking a break: I had to regroup before trying again

My depression was so bad I couldn’t control my attitude and patience. And that is not good!

So, I gave myself another 8 months or so, because I needed to come back to it with a clear and good and fresh mindset.

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is take a break. After months of frustration and feeling mentally drained, I paused the process of trying to potty train my autistic child.

This gave me time to come back with a fresh mindset and more patience to potty train my autistic child.

When we restarted, I made sure my child had a better understanding of what was happening. I introduced a potty routine that would eventually work for us.

I was also hoping my kid would become more verbal in the near future. 

We were working towards having them tell me:

1. ‘pee’ 
2. ‘potty’ 
3. ‘poo’ 

I looked to my child for signs and cues.

And I made sure their level of understanding was higher this time when it came to body functions and that they were more aware of what was going on with themselves.

Once these were established we began to try again.

 

How I started to potty train my autistic child the 2nd time round. 

This is best done during the summer holidays or during a holiday where you can spend plenty of time at home without going outside for at least the first week or so.  

And also, where it is warm enough for them to only be in their underwear or in shorts. 

I began by placing a potty around the house. Then:

1. I read my kid books on potty training
2. I also taught my kid, the ‘sign for potty’ in case they found the verbal communication too stressful.
3. And explained to them how to use the potty
4. I showed them videos and cartoons on it 
5. I made them a chart showing what to do step by step 
6. And finally, I asked my kid to follow the demonstrations.

 

What actually worked for pees! 

So, I began to watch my kid like a hawk mate. Like an owl in the night. 

Like a wolf watching its cub. 

One of the most effective methods was watching my child like a hawk.

As soon as I noticed even the smallest sign that they were about to pee, I would rush them to the potty.

This immediate action helped them make the connection.

I also kept the potty in whatever room my child was playing in—living room, bedroom, wherever.

 

I could only potty train my autistic child with pees,

It took a lot of sitting. Half an hour at a time sometimes. Just sitting by my kid. Waiting for them to finish. And telling them what to do.

After a few months of this my kid began to understand that the potty was for peeing in. 

Every time my kid would have a day of no pee accidents, they would get their favourite treat/toy at the end of the day. Reserved only for this purpose!

A good tip is to take, that I found effective was to keep one of their favourite toys, and keep it only for the purpose of when I was trying to potty train my autistic child.

It keeps them motivated to also potty train.

During this time though it is worth noting that not once did my kid do a poo in anything other than their underwear.

 

What actually worked to potty train my autistic child for poos! 

Pooing was a bigger challenge. I started following my kid around the house – Not in a creepy way. It is my house after all.

For weeks, I followed my child around the house, looking for signs they were about to poo.

Any time I would see my child pushing or standing still to focus. I would immediately place them on the potty. 

Took a loooooooong few weeks of trying to potty train my autistic child for poos. And sitting by my autistic child for half an hr at a time. Sometimes up to 4 times a day. Telling them to push. My kid finally did start using the potty for poos also. 

Accidents would still happen though- more often than not.  

And at this point my kid though was still wearing nappies anytime we would go outside. And anytime we would go to someone else’s house. 

The nappies were only taken off at home. 

I figured that once we had perfected their functions at home, then we could we translate it to outside. (This is why i said majority of time should be spent at home during this period)

 

Eventually,

My child, on their own, began to tell me they needed to go potty (my kid meant peeing) when we would be outside – even with their nappy on. 

I cried tears of happiness the first time my kid did this in public and whilst helping my kid pee, I was smiling and crying – (WHAT A SIGHT WE MUST HAVE BEEN!)

As time went on my kid began to get more control over holding their poo and using the potty for it. 

I no longer watched my kid after this. My kid found their cues and was able to hold it till they got to the potty.

Transfer from Potty to Toilet! 

Once my kid had the habit of going on the potty, I moved the potty into the toilet. 

I then started leaving their underwear and their trousers/shorts on to: 

1. To teach my kid to learn to give themselves plenty of time to also pull-down trousers
2. To get them in the natural state of mind of using the toilet (natural clothes) 
3. And to be able to start also using toilets outside the house. When they are fully dressed.

My kid was extremely unhappy with this change. Anytime they could get away with it, they would use the potty. 

Anytime I would try to get my kid to sit on the toilet there would be a tantrum and my kid would hold in their pees and poos and leave the bathroom.  

Any time I would suggest my kid use the toilet, a whole tantrum would start. My kid was just not comfortable or happy with this.

Change can be really hard to autistic children! And this was yet another change that my child had to get used to!

How I fixed This! 

I would begin by announcing myself going to the toilet to my kid. And showing how I was closing the door because it was potty time. 

I did this for about 2 weeks. Announcing my ‘potty’ time and making my kid close the door to the toilet once I was inside. 

So, my kid learnt it was private business! 

After that I would bring my child into the toilet with me and I would let them hear what was happening. Also, I would try to teach my kids how to ‘push’.

If you think I am disgusting or whatever, I simply do not care! 

Whatever I did. Worked! 

My kid did begin to use the toilet to pee. And also learnt to wash their hands afterwards. 

This was not without accidents though. My kid had to learn to time themselves with pulling down pants and climbing onto the toilet. 

And my kid had to learn to control the tap and not overflow the whole house. 

Still,

At this point my kid would only use the potty for poos and toilet for pees. 

My kid would be expecting a potty at kindergarten also. They don’t have one! 

So, every day at kindergarten we would have poo accidents. 

At this point I knew my kid understood. And I knew that they did not have trouble using the toilet.

One morning I just hid the potty! Yup! 

My kid woke up and the potty was gone.

 

The expectation of having a potty needed to change. Because unfortunately this accommodation is not everywhere!

But I went back to watching my kid like a hawk…. Again. 

Every single time I would see my kid try to poo in secret. I WAS THERE. 

BOP, my kid was on the toilet.

I had a whole routine for my kid. In steps. 

1. Get up on the stepper 
2. Pull down trousers 
3. Pull down underwear 
4. Sit on toilet 
5. Do ya thang 
6. Wipe yourself 
7. Stand up 
8. Pull up underwear 
9. Pull up trousers 
10. Flush 
11. Wash hands with soap 
12. Dry hands 

 

After a few days – YES! I kid you not. DAYS! ONLY! 

My kid began to stop trying to poo in their pants in secret and just started going to the toilet. Completing the whole routine. ALONE! 

             

The accidents in kindergarten and at home have completely stopped though. Like completely! My child is thankfully comfortable using the toilet in these places.

 

Other peoples Houses 

Still whilst visiting other people in their house, I could not fully manage to potty train my autistic child. My kid would not say they needed to use the toilet till I would ask them several times in a row. My kid is extremely uncomfortable using the toilet when we are visiting other houses and still will not go unless asked to. Several times.

I believe the reason for the difficulty to potty train my autistic child in other peoples houses is because of the uncomfortable situation of unfamiliarity with the environment.

When we can get to be more comfortable in unfamiliar environment can we try to potty train my autistic child in other peoples homes.

 

BUT

When the time came to potty train my autistic child I did it.

Against all ‘expert’ advice. My method worked! 

At 3.5 years old (one whole year after I originally started) I had managed to potty train my autistic child. Inside, outside, other people’s houses and at kindergarten. 

 

Oh Yes, I know 7 months is a long time!  

Ooh Yes. I know it is hard work!  

And Yes. It might seem impossible!

 

But you can do it!

TIPS I used to potty train my autistic child

• Leave a potty in the room your kid uses the most.  
• Multiple potties are fine too. 
• Autistic kids are visual. So print them a chart 
• Explain, show videos, read books – continuously 
• Never express negative emotions over accidents 
• Have patience
• Then some more patience 

• And LOTS of praise

Things I tried to NEVER FORGET when starting to potty train my autistic child! 

• Always praise them for their good work. They are trying hard and it is very difficult for them. 
• Praise is so important. It builds their confidence and affirms that they are doing the right thing. 
• It can take a very long time but the results are worth it. 
• And. Take your time. Don’t rush because of society standards. AGE DOESN’T MATTER when it comes to potty training.
• You know your kid better than anyone. Don’t let anyone give you nonsense. 
• It is okay to start later. 
• You are the president of your house. Your kids are your people. You are responsible for doing what is best for them. This doesn’t always mean the easiest thing for them. 

A very good read is ‘Ready, Set, Potty!: Toilet Training for Children with Autism’

 

 

 

I will attach a potty-training chart to this post soon so you can print and use it. It will be free 

Because I don’t believe in profiting from mental health struggles! 

You should probably laminate it thought – Because you know – Toilet and all.