Teaching money resonsibilities and the value of things is a very important lesson for anyone wishing to become a fully functioning independent adult.
I am going to preface this by saying that I have two children who I would love to teach the responsibility of money to.
One of whom is Autistic and one of whom is not.
Money makes the world go round unfortunately. It is a necessity of life and possibly the only means of getting by.
Spending too much and you can end up with nothing left.
And spending too little means you will not be able to enjoy the pleasures of what life has to offer.
So how do we find a balance when we teach our children about money.
And how do we ensure that they can become responsible around money?
Without becoming brats demanding and expecting everything but also without feeling like they have nothing.
I really think this post has no preference when it comes to Autistic and non Autistic children.
The only thing might be the age.
An Autistic children might grasp and learn the concept of money at a later age than a non Autistic child.
Also, money might be a harder and more inconvenient thing to understand for children with Autism. But the lessons remain the same for everyone.
“Don’t spend more than what you have. Spend as comfortably as you can, but also save a little everytime”.
You never know what life will throw your way.
Of course, I am a strong believer that parents provide for their children and try to have their children be as comfortable as possible. While still providing them with a long list of different opportunities at the same time.
Where do you draw the line?
Disclaimer,
You cannot begin to teach responsibility when it comes to money until your child understands the concept of it.
So your child must understand that not everything is free and everything has a price.
You can absolutely bring your child shopping with you and let them see you paying at the counter for something before they are allowed to eat it.
Eventually, this will help them understand the concept of having to buy what you need and want.
However, when it comes to actually handing them money and expecting them to know what to do. That is different.
For this, your child needs to have a grasp on numbers and what those numbers mean.
They need to know that high numbers mean a higher price and lower numbers mean a lower price.
Another thing is that, if they demand to get something that is high in price, such as a gaming console or anything that might take a long time to save up for.
Then you can always make some deals with them your child. This includes letting them know that they must work for it, or at least half of it and you can pay for the other half of it.
Otherwise if they are old enough, you can tell them to find a part time job also.
It depends on your parenting and what you are comfortable with having your child do to earn money.
If they are young, chores are the best way for them to earn money, as well as having an allowance.
However, for the teenagers, I would say that a part time job is an excellent way to teach responsibility around money.
Another BIG Disclaimer,
Do not give your child more than what you can afford.
Have your child’s allowance fit into your budget.
Forget how much everyone else gets. Don’t listen to someone who is trying to convince you into giving more to your child.
Give your child an allowance that you are comfortable with and that will not ruin your budget.
The amount varies from every individual household.
Also
Do not make your money worries, the worries of your children.
Children do not need to worry about the rent or being broke or whether you are able to pay the bills this month.
That is not the job of children.
So do not put your stresses on your child.
It is okay to tell your child that you cannot afford something at the moment.
And it is okay to let them know that the thing they want right now is not possible to get at the moment.
But do not speak about your money issues or rent issues or bills issues in front of or by your child.
Children do not need to stress about whether or not they will be homeless or whether or not they will have electricity or warm water.
If you do not have it, let them know that this month you will have to use cold water. Or to wrap up a little warmer than usual.
And tell them that you are doing your best to try to keep up.
That’s it.
Our children might try to demand more, or ask for more. Be honest with them in confirming their wants and needs. “I understand you would like a larger allowance, but this is the amount which our budget allows”.
Make it seem calm and normal.
Your children will feed off, of your energy. Give them calm and relaxed energy.
Not stressed or worried and money energy.
Personal Experience
When it comes to the way I was raised I actually think my mum did teach us the responsibility of money quite well.
Parents provide the necessities needed and children buy their own pleasures.
My mother would provide myself and my sister with our pocket money. 3 months worth in one go. So we would get pocket money once every 3 months.
With this, we would save and buy whatever things we needed.
As well as keep money aside for travel expenses such as busses and trains.
If we wanted a different brand of toothpaste or snacks for the weekend, that fell on us individually to buy with our pocket money too.
If we craved a different kind of anything to what was in the house then that was on ourselves.
I remember there came a point where I wanted an Xbox really badly and so I voiced this out loud to my mother.
I had to save for a while to be able to buy it, but ohh the sweet joy in the end when I actually finally managed to buy it.
Also, the fact is that, when you work for something yourself and you finally managed to buy it after wanting it for so long.
The pleasure and satisfaction is much more than anything that is handed to you or purchased for you.
And that is the absolute truth.
NOW,
It’s time to buy your child a piggy bank and get started.
Hint: You can buy 2.
One which cannot be opened unless smashed. And another one which has an opening and closing.
Recommend to put a little bit aside in each of them.
Chores
You can of course make it into an activity when it comes to them earning money.
One of the biggest forms of children earning money is pocket money.
Earning money for doing chores and being helpful around the house is a common one.
Of course this is optional.
Some households do not provide pocket money to their children for completing their chores.
This is because some parents do not think that a child should be rewarded for doing something that they are supposed to be doing in the first place.
However, if you want to provide pocket money to your children for doing things around the house then, set a chore chart and give them pocket money for completing their tasks.
It is also a way to introduce a desire within your children to want to do chores.
They will be looking forward to reap the rewards of their hard work.
I would say that being given pocket money from chores should be separate from an allowance that children should get.
Shopping.
Another thing you can do is take your child shopping. Tell them that they can buy anything they want from the store within limit.
So for example, when you go to a shop with your child, hand your child a note. Maybe £5/$5/€5 if you have it.
Even coins is good too.
Tell them they can choose whatever they want, as many items as they want; as long as the total is not more than what was handed to them.
If they want something that costs more than the money that you handed to them, let them know that they have an option to put the money back into their pocket and save it for next time when they have a little bit more money saved.
That way they can buy the thing that they want.
OR they can chose something else!
I think this method is the one that works the best!
However bear in mind that this activity is separate from being given an allowance.
This is an extra curricular – outside of their pocket money or allowance.
Allowance
It is worth nothing that each of the above has its own way to be dealt with.
They CANNOT interlink.
In his book, “Between Parent and Child“, Dr Haim Ginott states that you must not use an allowance against good behaviour or chores.
This is an excellent reminder for us parents that we cannot pick and chose under what circumstances to give our children their allowance.
He states that once we have given our children an allowance, we are not allowed to supervise how it is spent.
We can tell them what we expect them to spend it on, but now how much and on what exactly.
The children need their own choices on what they wish to buy, under the understanding that we provide the categories.
For example, school supplies, treats, snacks etc. We give the children these categories but we cannot demand that they buy a certain brand or that they spend it on a specific thing.
Giving them the categories should be more than enough to help them learn responsibility on what to buy and how much to spend on each category.
Of course, once a child grows older, their allowance will also grow and their categories will widen out.
Their categories should now also include any gym memberships, extra curricular clubs, extra curricular activities such as cinema or bowling with friends etc.
Good Behaviour
Under no circumstances should children be bribed for good behaviour.
So this means that we should never, ever pay our children for good behaviour.
This will not allow the child to develop proper character.
If a child learns that their good deeds must always be recognised and rewarded, you end up with a very selfish child.
A child who will do no good deed unless they get something out of it.
It does not allow any child to develop sympathy or empathy.
SO please parents. Avoid doing this at all costs.
Abuse of Allowance by the Child
“An allowance should not be greater than the child’s capacity to manage it” – Between Parent and Child – Page 98
It is better to start with a smaller allowance and gradually increase it to the amount that you wished to give them in the first place than to overwhelm the child from the get go.
In the beginning we can expect children to spend too much and too quickly.
This can and most likely will happen.
In the beginning and until a child gets the hang of how to manage their own budgets they might become too excited and spend it all.
Try to recommend to your child to always leave a little bit of money behind incase they find something that they really want or incase they end up running out of money.
However, do not demand this.
Tell them this everytime you hand them their allowance, but do not parent it.
Do not force them to do this.
Just tell them that it is what you would recommend.
If your child continually and always, spends their money instantly and all at once, Dr Haim recommends that you cut up their allowance into smaller chunks and give it to the child throughout the week.
Abuse of Allowance by the Parent
Do not use your childs allowance to hold over their head.
Do not threaten to withhold it from them or tell them that they need to be good in order to get it.
This will ruin your trust between you and your child.
AND it will weaken your relationship with them.
Do not use your childs allowance according to your emotionality.
What I mean by this is that when your child does not achieve in school or in their extracurricular activities as you had expected or wanted. Do not use this money against them. Or decrease their allowance.
Also, when your child is excellently behaved and is doing really well. Or when they have achieved something beyond everybodys expectation, do not increase their allowance.
Keep the amount consistent and only increase it when they get older, such as when they surpass their birthday.
Or if they start Secondary/High School up from Elementary/Primary School etc.
Do not interfere.
Any money which your child has left over from their budget or that they have saved up.
Even if you think that what they are going to spend it on it no good.
Or in case you think that they are not spending it wisely or smart. DO NOT interfere.
What seems like nonsense to you might mean the world to them.
It is very important that you allow your child to spend that money that they have left over, after buying all their necessities as they wish.
I cannot stress how important this is for your child in teaching them responsibility around money and in learning and being able to handle their own budget.
Giving children, especially Autistic children an allowance is really good in helping that child grow up into becoming a fully functioning adult in this world.
It is hopefully, teaching a child how to rely on themselves once they are older.
And teaching them how to live life without being skint at the end of the month. Without having them run out of money or being broke before their next payday.
Honestly this is one of the best life lessons we can give to our children in this world.
Way too many people have not been taught these skills and they are struggling for it.
Lets do our best to not have this be our children!
Further posts,
Here are some other posts that I have written about that can help your Autistic child grow into a fully functioning independent adult:
- Help make Autistic child Independent
- Food Therapy
- How to Teach your Child Patience
- Teaching an Autistic child how to write
Enjoy!