I swear if some adults had been taught patience as a kid, our world would be a lot nicer to live in.
As I say that, having patience is the best personality trait any person can have.
Not for anyone else. But for yourself.
Learning to wait and take your time is incredible for the psyche. As well as helping keeping the temperament calm.They say the most dangerous person in the room is the one who cannot be bothered by anything. And cannot be provoked.
Because they are able to constantly think clearly and analyse situations much better than those who immediately see red and start screaming.
Now, the thing regarding Autism and those diagnosed with being on the spectrum is that our minds function slightly differently.
We struggle to see the bigger picture and focus on little details.
Sometimes, our minds get stuck on those little details and we cannot let go.
This causes us to not be able to accept if something goes differently or be patient in waiting for something to happen.
We tend to want things immediately.
Imagine having a mosquito bite that just keeps itching.
And in order for it to stop itching, it must be scratched.
Otherwise we simply cannot focus on anything else other than the fact that the itch MUST be scratched.
But our hands are tied behind our backs so there is no way for us to itch that bite.
That is what it feels like when it comes to Autistic persons who feel like they must have or absolutely need something.
SO teaching patience is a must.
For typical and Atypical persons alike.
But especially for Atypical people. Because it is much harder for us to let go.
Background information
I am an Autistic mother and i have a child who has also been diagnosed with Autism.
I also have another child who is not Autistic.
As son as my child was diagnosed with Autism, we decided we would do everything we possibly could to help them.
This meant walking through a lot of different doors to try to find what would be best for our kid.
We decided that one of the therapies we would do is ‘Pivotal Response Treatment’ with our Autistic child which we have seen great progress with.
Our child has improved in communication and also in understanding social cues.
I have written an entire post on introducing Pivotal Response Treatment Therapy at home for parents and for children.
You can read that post here..
Pivotal Response Treatment at Home
So much progress was made that we actually also began to incorporate PRT therapy with our youngest who is not Autistic, to help them also improve their communication skills.
And we found great success doing this.
Furthermore, you can follow my routes on implementing PRT in your house with these sets of stimuli/toys:
We work alongside professionals and specialists as well as a therapist in order to try to get our Autistic child as much help as we possibly can while learning how to meet their needs.
AND also keeping in mind that we are trying to get them fully independently functioning so that they can navigate through the world effective on their own when the time comes.
One of the things that helps any person become more well rounded and, more confident. And also more in charge of themselves and the situations that they are in is to teach them patience.
I have been reading a book called which you can find here, “Between Parent and Child”, and reading that book, it has become my holy grail parenting book and my favourite to read compared to all other parenting books.
1. Teaching patience through Games!
The perfect way to teach a child patience is through play.
Pivotal Response Treatment Therapy can involve many different games.
See my posts that I have referenced above.
The thing about Pivotal Response Treatment Therapy is that the child learns that they must take their time to fully express what they want, before they can get it.
And it is all done while they are playing with you. So it does not become a chore or something too difficult for them to do.
They cannot get what they do not ask for.
This means that screaming or pointing or incinuating will not work.
They need to make sure to take the time to express themselves clearly and to make sure the person that they are speaking to fully understands what they are saying.
It also means that if the person they are speaking to does not understand what they mean. They need to try to find a different language to use in order to try to get you to understand.
This is a process and can sometimes take several attempts.
During a PRT therapy session, the child learns that, only after they have asked properly and clearly do they get their reward.
So getting frustrated or annoyed will not work in their favour and will actually delay their reward.
It really teaches a child to use their words and wait for the results of their communication and not just lose their patience through frustrations.
2. Clearly state the rules of the games
Also, the best way to teach a child patience is absolutely through play, however it is best to have another child also present.
Of course you can use yourself all you want.
But children learn best from mimicking and copying other children who are closer in age to them.
So if your child has sibings, use them! Otherwise cousins or playdates even work just as well.
The only thing about siblings is that you use these techniques whenever, wherever.
Whatever game it is your children are playing, make sure it is one where you must take turns.
The more players the better!
It could be any odd card game, or taking turns such as when 2 players play checkers.
Children who love to play games become very excited and they can barely contain themselves.
Eventually they will learn that when it is not their turn they cannot grab or get up to try to have another turn.
They must wait patiently till everyone else has had a go and it is fairly become their turn again.
I make my children share their toys, especially when it comes to playdough.
God do they love their playdough.
They have their favourite shapes that I have only purchased one because they must share and take turns.
It causes arguments sometimes however it really has helped them learn how to share.
I use the same technique when it comes to shooting goals as they play football.
Or when they play with their bath toys.
Timers are amazing
You can also buy a timer that you should set to around 1 or 2 minutes in order to really help your children know when their time is up.
Let them know that the rules to playing with the game/toy is that it will last a certain amount of time and have the timer go off when the time is up.
Have your children switch over their toys after the timer goers off.
Other ‘games’ to play
You can also do this by switching between:
- Pressing the buttons for the traffic lights,
- Sitting shotgun in the car,
- Or using the keys to open the door,
- Getting the mail etc.
- Baking – if theyre craving something, make it from scratch
You can teach your child that sometimes it is their turn and sometimes it is not. And that sometimes they need to wait a while to see results.
And there is nothing you can do about the wait.
Nothing you can do to speed it up.
And that, it is okay to wait. Normal actually.
Also bringing your child shopping with you or taking them to appointments where there is a wait or where you have to stand in line. Great.
Its all good practise.
3. Use a reward chart
The way to encourage even more patience is by using a reward chart.
I am a huge fan of reward charts and I believe they work really well.
I have a post on what my childrens reward chart looks like.
You can view it here…
When you see that your child is being patient and waiting while being excellently behaved, you can give them a sticker.
Once they have gathered a certain amount of stickers you can give them a reward.
Whether that is screen time, or their favourite food etc it must be something that is reserved as a reward and not something they get throughout their day or whenever they need a treat.
4. Acknowledge your child’s feelings
Now I am going to go on a rant about something.
We as parents always want whats best for our children.
However sometimes, the power of words are extremely strong.
When your childs shows signs of frustration or impatience, do not shut them down.
Classical upbringing told us to suck it up.
We must not make the same mistake with our children.
Telling them to suck it up and not allowing them to express themselves can lead them to having too much pent up energy resulting in them lashing out.
If they tell you that they are frustrated, listen and respond accordingly.
For example, “Yes it is very frustrating”, “I hate this too”.
Everytime your child feels some kind of impatience, let them know you are listening and that you understand it.
Also you can tell them of a time when you felt extremely impatient and you had to absolutely wait for what seemed like a long time. And tell them how annoyed it made you!
But let them know that patience is a good thing and it is good for us to sometimes wait. It builds a strong personality and character.
I cannot tell you how many times my child has managed to calm down just because I expressed that they were correct in feeling impatient.
That small validation was all they needed to hear.
I did not offer a solution or make them rush or anything of that matter.
Just a simple, “I hear you, I understand, You are right to feel this way”.
That same sentences has also stopped and prevented a lot of screaming tantrums and lashing out from my kids.
5. Final Test – Marshmallows
So your child has become more patient. Great. Excellent.
It is time to do the ultimate test.
A lot of childen fail this test.
This test is called, The Marshmallow Test: Mastering Self-Control and it is a test devised by Walter Mischel.
Children who are more patient will have the self control to wait for a greater reward, rather than take the lesser, more basic reward.
The idea is that you place a marshmallow in front of a child and you clearly let them know that.
IF they do not eat that marshmallow and they wait, you will give them 2 marshmallows.
Using chocolate would also work the same.
Just go by what your children love; in terms of what rewards they prefer.
The thing it teaches and tests our children on is that delayed gratification can be much, much better than instant gratification.
Some children did not even last 20 seconds when the experiement was conducted so it is not easy nor is it straight forward.
The children who waited for the unspecified amount of time got double the treats.
The thing is, the first set of children who could not wait any longer and has the treat, even though they knew if they had waited they would have gotten double the number of treats simply could not control themselves.
The children who had been able to wait also showed higher performance levels in other aspects of their life once they got older.
Therefore, we should teach our children the importance of patience and train them to develop their patience levels.
