How to Calm Down an Autistic Child: A Guide for Parents and Caregivers
Good day y’all.
I am an Autistic Momma to an Autistic child. So I might know a thing or two!
Autistic people experience the world very differently, often feeling overwhelmed by sights, sounds, and social situations.
These experiences can lead to what is often called a “meltdown.”
Lets Begin
My autistic child can become erratic and very panicked. AND extremely difficult to calm down.
My Autistic child can become inconsolable, erratic and extremely stressed after a new event or after being around large groups of people.
You really need to know what triggers your Autistic child in the first place in order to find the best solution to calm them down effectively.
Also it is worth noting our Autistic child almost never breaks down in public unless they are extremely tired or something is seriously wrong.
It is always after the day is done and we come home.
When my child is in their safe space which is at home with their most trusted people. (Myself and my husband and their sibling).
My Autistic child then begin to throw a full blown tantrum and have a complete breakdown.
Sometimes, these breakdowns can extend into the next day even. This is exactly what we have been experiencing yesterday and this morning.
I will give our strategies of what works to calm down an autistic child.
Also I will be writing a little bit about the advice we received from my child’s autism specialist on how to best calm down our Autistic child.
I hope that this post may help you find ways to calm down an autistic child effectively.
Understanding Triggers and Meltdowns
To help calm down an autistic child, it’s important to recognize what might trigger these strong responses.
While each child is unique, common triggers that can trigger my autistic child often include:
- Sensory Overload: Bright lights, loud sounds, or crowded spaces can overwhelm them.
- Routine Changes: Unexpected changes can be distressing for autistic children.
- Physical Boundaries: Touching their personal items or being physically close without permission can trigger reactions.
- Emotional Overload: Frustration from not being able to express needs can lead to meltdowns.
Recognizing these triggers can be the first step in finding solutions to help calm down an autistic child.
Things that specifically trigger my autistic child
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1. If Their Siblings Touch Their Things
For some autistic children, having someone touch or move their personal belongings can be very upsetting. When this happens, it can be difficult to calm down an autistic child who has attached importance to specific items.
Strategies to Calm Down an Autistic Child in This Situation:
- Change the Environment: Sometimes, taking your children out of the house is the quickest way to calm down an autistic child who has been triggered by sibling interactions. Heading to a playground or going for a walk can shift their focus and help them release energy. This always works for my autistic child.
- Introduce a Calming Activity: Activities like baking together or engaging in something that requires focus, such as weighing ingredients for a cake or measuring items, can help distract and calm down an autistic child. It works every time for me!
- Give Screen Time in Moderation: Allowing some screen time with calming shows or games can sometimes provide a reset. Using a timer to manage this time can also help prevent over stimulation. I have a post on which cartoons might be best for autistic children. You can read that post here
This is not how it is for all Autistic children and sometimes a simple distraction done at home is all that is needed to calm down an autistic child from the stimulating situation.
Distracting while being at home in this case does not work at all for us. Because our child is in the house and has a one way focus on what is happening with their things or what just happened to their things.
Also the two siblings being in close proximity to each other after an incident like this does nothing to calm down an autistic child.
They need a complete change of environment. Or they need to be engrossed in a non violent cartoon.
Personally, I need to go do a physical activity in order to release my energy and calm down.
Doing something without really working up a sweat does not calm me down. I find that even after doing something calming like reading a book. I need to get physical and do something else.
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2. If They Don’t Get to Go First
Some children with autism may have a strong desire to be first in certain situations, like going through a doorway, pressing a button having a first turn.
When this doesn’t happen, my autistic child can feel extremely frustrated and refuses to come home.
Strategies to Calm Down an Autistic Child Who Feels Upset About Not Going First:
- Empathy and Understanding: Acknowledge their feelings by calmly explaining that it is okay to sometimes go second, but also validate that their frustration is natural.
- Physical Contact and Gentle Words: Sometimes, holding them gently or lying close to them can help calm down an autistic child who is very upset. Gentle physical pressure, such as hugging, can provide comfort. Speaking to them in a calm, quiet voice can also help.
- Avoid Reinforcing the Habit: Allowing them to always go first could reinforce the behavior, making it harder to adjust in social settings. Instead, take turns naturally, and help them gradually adapt.
We purposely just let it be naturally. We do not go out of our way to not let them be first but we do not wait for them to go first either. It is just the natural way things would happen anyway.
We hug and kiss them and tell them that is it okay and normal to not always go first but also it is normal to feel frustrated. And next time they can try to be first.
Sometimes it can get quite bad so I have to lay my Autistic child on the floor inside the house after carrying them inside. Because they refuse to come inside the house.
And I lay by them holding them firmly with some pressure keeping my cheek touching their cheek and talking nonsense in their ear.
This usually helps calm down an autistic child after a while.
Because we cannot and will not enable that ‘going first’ behaviour. Doing that will cause them issues in their future especially and not allow them to develop the social skills needed to make and maintain friends.
Eventually it will become natural for them to just let things be and let the order of things develop naturally.
My Solution to myself as an autistic young adult
I was exactly like this as well. However, I would purposely trigger myself and do the opposite to what my brain told me to do. This made it normal to not give in to the urges too much and get through activities and life in a sort of ‘normal’ manner.
It was very hard to do but it needed to be done for myself.
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3. When They’ve Been in Crowded or Noisy Environments
After spending time in large crowds, like at a busy park or event, your child might feel overstimulated. It’s not uncommon for meltdowns to happen afterward, as it may take time to process these experiences.
This is the only one that, once my autistic child is triggered by, can causes issues even well into the next day.
My kid can not calm down and
- Does not eat well the following day
- Has random spouts of crying
- Is very aggressive the following day
- Cannot be reasoned with
- Is completely irrational the following day
Strategies to Calm Down an Autistic Child After Over stimulation:
- Find a Quiet Space: Go to a peaceful location, ideally your home or somewhere with minimal noise and activity, to help them decompress.
- Create a Calm-Down Space at Home: Set up a “quiet zone” in your home. This could be in their bedroom or another area they feel comfortable. Adding dim lighting, soft pillows, cozy blankets, or even a lava lamp can help calm down an autistic child. This area can act as their sanctuary when they feel overstimulated.
- Limit Additional Stimulation: When your autistic child is already overstimulated, avoid doing more activities that can increase their energy. Instead, focus on calm activities that require minimal movement and low stimulation.
My autistic child’s increasing amounts of tantrums and meltdowns, as well as my autistic child really struggling to control their emotions was stressing us out.
We began seeking professional advice.
Advice from Autism Specialists on how to Calm Down an Autistic Child
Specialists often emphasize the importance of helping autistic children process their emotions in a way that feels safe and supportive.
Crying or having a meltdown can be a release mechanism for pent-up emotions, similar to how babies cry to communicate discomfort or distress.
It is kind of like how screaming and crying is the first way we learn to express ourselves.
Babies cry when they are
- Tired
- Hungry
- Have gas
- Uncomfortable
So when an Autistic child screams and cries they really are going back to basics by expressing their needs like this.
Specialist Recommended Strategies to us to Help Calm Down an Autistic Child:
- Allow Meltdowns to Take Their Course: Sometimes, the best way to calm down an autistic child is simply to let them release their emotions in a safe environment. Give them space to express themselves without judgment or interruption.
- Minimize Exposure to Known Triggers: Try to gradually reduce exposure to triggers. For example, if large crowds or noisy events upset them, consider shorter visits and watch for signs of discomfort so you can take breaks as needed.
- Designate a “Calm Zone”: Schools often have “sensory rooms” specifically designed to calm down an autistic child. You can recreate this at home with soft lighting, calming visuals, and sensory-friendly toys. Reserve this space for times when they feel overwhelmed to make it a special area associated with calmness. You can read my post on the best sensory toys here
- Practice Deep Pressure Therapy: Gentle, consistent pressure can help many children feel grounded and calm. Weighted blankets, firm hugs, or even massages can work wonders in helping calm down an autistic child who is feeling anxious.
We recreated our autistic child’s room to give them a safe space, that we do not enter unless they ask us to.
Once they enter that space, they are making it clear to us that they wish to be left alone in order to get rid of all the stimulation they have experienced throughout the day.
It is nothing fancy but we have placed a lava lamp inside of it along with fairy lights, a small chair and some books.
It is actually very cozy and lovely and when both of my children are in school, sometimes, I as an autistic adult, use that space for myself also.
It really does work wonders in slowing down all of the speeding thoughts in my brain.
4. Managing Emotional Energy After a Crowded Day
Crowded spaces, busy days, or gatherings can lead to meltdowns for my autistic child.
The overload of sensory and emotional experiences leaves my autistic child feeling drained or even irritable the next day.
Strategies We Use to Calm Down an Autistic Child After a Stimulating Day:
- We Try To Encourage Quiet Activities the Next Day: Reading a book, drawing, or listening to soft music can be helpful in the aftermath of an overstimulating event.
- Be Try To Be Patient and Provide Extra Comfort: Children often feel more secure knowing that they can rely on you for support. We always try to Calm down an autistic child by offering a familiar routine, gentle encouragement, and additional comfort until they adjust.
- We Try To Avoid Pushing New Activities Too Soon: We give our autistic child time to regain their energy before starting new activities or going out again. Respecting their need for downtime can be one of the most effective ways to calm down an autistic child after a busy day.
Keep in Mind: Every Child is Different
As much as we may want to follow a specific set of guidelines, remember that each autistic child is unique. While these techniques can often help to calm down an autistic child, you may need to try different approaches to discover what best suits your child’s needs.
It is also important to recognize that it’s okay if something that works for one child might not work for another.
For example, to calm down my autistic child, they use a weighted blanket. But I am also autistic and I hate weighted blankets.
My goal is to try to help and offer a range of calming strategies to help guide other parents or caregivers through the moments that feel overwhelming for your autistic child.
Summary: Key Techniques to Calm Down an Autistic Child
- Observe and Identify Triggers: Understanding what sets off a meltdown is essential.
- Introduce Calming Activities: Activities like baking, screen time, or spending time in a quiet zone can help.
- Avoid Reinforcing Problematic Habits: While supporting them, gently guide them towards flexibility.
- Create a Quiet Space at Home: Having a designated calm space can make a huge difference.
- Encourage Slow, Gentle Movements: Avoid high-stimulation activities and provide calm alternatives.
To calm down an autistic child may feel challenging at times, but remember that it’s about providing them with the tools and support to process their world safely and comfortably.
When we are patient, understanding, and proactive, we can make a significant difference in helping our children feel at ease and thrive.
Lastly,
Try to make home the safest and best space possible for your autistic child.
When I was growing up, my home was not a space for me to calm down as an autistic child. I will even go as far as saying it was much worse than the outside.
There were times when I would rather have stayed at friends houses, which was unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Rather than going home.
Because of this, I try my best to keep home as a safe space as possible for my autistic child to calm down because I understand how important it is for their mental health.
A book I found very useful, when I was doing some extra research on how to calm down an autistic child, is called, ‘Managing Meltdowns and Tantrums on the Autism Spectrum: A Parent and Caregiver’s Guide’.
For any more research on how to calm down an autistic child, I also really recommend anyone to give this book a go.
Another book I also really stand by, is called, ‘Between Parent and Child’ that aims to strengthen the understanding between parents and their children as well as using certain psychological techniques to increase the bond between you and your child.