A good book to read on Trauma, Autism and to be okay with it without feeling shame is ‘Trauma, Stigma, and Autism‘
Introduction
Maladaptive Daydreaming is something that goes beyond what is common and what is normal.
It is a term I have only come across very recently.
I have Autism and I am a mother to two children. One of whom also has Autism.
Finding out my child is also Autistic made me get off my Arse and research and study as much as I possibly could on what that would mean.
What I went through and what my child might also potentially go through.
Because of this deep thinking about my own life, I am recovering deep memories of Trauma that I had locked down and completely forgotten about.
Also, because of the fact that I had very little help (none at all) with dealing or even understanding my own Autism and what it meant for me to have it and what potential behaviours were a result of that.
If you are interested in reading more about that read my post of the consequences of bullying Autistic children Here..
While this post is about Maladaptive Daydreaming, I will also focus on how Autism can affect and be linked to it also.
About Me and why I have maladaptive daydreaming
I have had maladaptive daydreaming my whole life.
I did not realize it went beyond normal daydreaming until I started doing serious research into it.
Then I found out it was actually a clinical thing with a diagnosis and it can cause serious harm in your life if you allow it to.
It stems from Childhood Trauma.
Autistic children are much easier to Traumatize because of their lack of understanding of human social behaviours.
The fact that I have had Maladaptive Daydreaming from as far as I can remember, meaning my Trauma must have started from even before my brain allowed me to start saving memories.
Recently I have been doing a lot of deep thinking about myself, and everything I have been through.
This had made me relive certain memories and all the feelings that came with it. Things I had no idea had even happened to me.
I mean how do you just unlock memories out of no where?
Is that a thing people go through?
I always thought you needed triggers to unlock certain things.
I guess writing posts and making this blog has done that for me.
Although I highly doubt all of my memories have been unlocked and if I am being honest there are still memories I do not dwell on and push aside because I am afraid of what will pour out of the can once it is opened.
I understand and accept that I have had Maladaptive Daydreaming my whole life, even when I was not aware exactly that is what it was called.
That there have been times when it has seriously stopped me from doing something or going for something.
It is more common for people with Autism to develop this as a defense mechanism.
And I developed it in the first place as a response to the trauma that I had been through.
What is Daydreaming/Procrastinating
Normal day dreaming is imagining scenarios in your head that distract you from what you are currently doing.
For example, someone is speaking to you and your mind is thinking of you laying on the sofa watching your favourite series.
Or, you are in an exam and you are looking at the paper but you do not see the paper. You are ‘seeing’ the holiday you will be taking with your friends once exam season is over.
That is daydreaming! Average Daydreaming.
You can spend some time during this several times throughout the day.
That is still Average Day dreaming.
It can last a few seconds to a minute roughly.
Say you say dream maximum 20% of your entire day. Which is around the average I believe.
The world sucks.
Our brains send us to little escape visions within itself. To allow some kind of relief from the stresses of everyday life.
It is a way your mind protects itself so that your surroundings do not become too much for you.
Our brain really is a wonderful amazing machine!
However!
What happens when we suffer from trauma from a young age and our brains want us to stop from remembering?
Or not allow any form of ‘quiet time’ in our heads in case our minds start wondering off in different directions?
Or, what happens when the world has screwed us over so many times that we just disassociate from it via Daydreaming.
Then it becomes maladaptive.
What is Maladaptive Daydreaming.
It is like you are living in a constant day dream.
It happens so frequently and so constantly that it is part of almost every moment of your life.
But your daydreams are real and they interact with you.
You control the
- Situation
- Environment
- People
- Conversation
- Every single other little detail you can imagine.
Maladaptive Daydreaming can take up to 10 hours of your waking hours in one 24 hour period.
It never goes away. It does not stop.
It. Does. Not. Rest
Personally
Because I was made to feel like I am less than everyone else, through
- Bullying,
- Competitions,
- Narcissists around me
- Because I was always compared to others to have my flaws exposed,
- And for whenever I made a mistake I would be humiliated.
- In addition to this I have suffered a lot of sexual assault.
- Also because my Autism was always used against me verbally and an excuse to exclude me
- And I was always ignored almost everytime I spoke
My Maladaptive Daydreams are always of me being a highly respected person, who is always listened to when spoken and whose opinions are highly respected.
In addition to this, I was always made to feel ugly and useless in comparison to my sibling. So in my daydreams I am very desirable.
Other Maladaptive Daydreams are of me reliving the physical/sexual abuse I went through, however I am fighting back and winning.
And boy do those give me a little respite. Short term happiness.
Because I want to give myself a little victory over my abusers. I can only do that in my daydreams and so my mind does it.
Another also very common one is me saving others from going through what I went through. And pulling them out of their abusive environment.
Intensity
Maladaptive daydreams are much more intense than normal daydreams.
You interact with these character as though they are in the same room as you.
Or you are no longer in your room (even though you are) and you are walking through a forest.
You:
- Speak with them,
- Share your food,
- Give a dehydrated animal a sip of your drink,
- Shake peoples hands,
- Kick off your shoes etc
You go through all the motions even though the only thing you are moving is air!
You punch them in their face and push them away – even though you are punching air and pushing air!
It doesnt matter. You go through the motion of doing whatever it is your mind is telling you that you are doing.
Intrusive Thoughts
Sometimes though you cannot control your mind 100% and you end up with intrusive thoughts inside your daydream.
These are dark, scary thoughts that you cannot escape from.
Scary people who pop into the middle of your daydream. Once they are there you cannot make them go away.
Asking nicely does not make a difference. Trust me I have tried.
You can try to navigate your way through them but when I was much younger they would have me in a ball on the floor crying.
Intrusive thoughts are the worst!
The only way to stop it, is to stop the daydream.
– Until another daydream comes along with another intrusive thought.
Is Maladaptive Daydreaming different from Schizophrenia?
The Answer to that is YES!
Thing about Maladaptive Daydreaming is that yes, some people do it in public. But we usually catch ourselves and stop any talking back and hand movements. We understand it is just a daydream, however intense. It is still just a daydream and it is not real.
The thoughts are constant. Yes! but we know it is not reality.
Schizophrenia is different. Well only a little bit.
They cannot separate what is reality and what is made up – That is the difference.
Everything is real to people who have Schizophrenia. There is no difference and there is no way to filter any of the thoughts out.
Their characters that they see and hear and interact with do not go away and do not listen or co-operate.
Maladaptive Daydreamers characters go away. We can make them go away. Schizophrenics cannot do this.
Dissociative Identity Disorder, DID, also known as Multiple Personality Disorder connection with Maladaptive Daydreaming.
Both are developed by the brain to cope with Childhood Trauma. Usually severe sexual and severe physical abuse! Not only both types of abuse. It can be one of the abuses as well.
The Trauma must have been suffered at an extremely young age! Where the brain cannot understand even the simplest of reasoning behind certain behaviours.
And These instances are almost never a one off.
In order for your brain to go to such lengths to defend and keep you safe, these DID and Maladaptive daydreaming do not develop from 1 instance of abuse.
The Abuse is usually very severe and carries on for a very long time.
Either the Trauma is so bad that your mind splits into several different people to stop feeling alone and to even out the traumatic experiences between several different people. Because it is too much for one person to handle. (This is DID)
OR
The trauma is so bad that your mind CONSTANTLY brings in different characters where you are the hero, savior or you are strong and able to defend yourself and also to keep you company so you dont feel alone. (This is Maladaptive Daydreaming)
- Both are mental disorders caused by Trauma.
- And both are created by the brain to protect you.
- To make you feel less lonely and to help you deal with the pain and emotional damage you have suffered.
- Almost as if to say NOPE, I may be here in body, but my mind and spirit are elsewhere
How to overcome
There is no actual way to overcome this.
You can reduce it though.
The point is to not indulge.
Once you feel a Maladaptive daydream start. Do not feed it.
Dont interact with them and don’t put any effort into it.
I have found keeping myself interacting with real life people helps a lot.
So pick up the phone and call someone. Or go out to the shops.
Go for a bike ride.
Distract yourself.
DO NOT GIVE IN!
The more you give in the more it will take over.
Catch yourself beginning to do it and stop yourself.
Make it stop.
Even if it a million times during the day.
The frequencies which your mind will go to maladaptive daydreaming will reduce.
