Constant daydreaming in Autistic child

Table of Contents

This post will be about Daydreaming in Autistic children.

If you are interested in reading about excessive daydreaming in adults, I do have a post about maladaptive daydreaming in combination with Autism in adults. You can read that post that here..

A little bit of background information

I am an Autistic mother with an Autistic child.

And I have struggled with maladaptive daydreaming my whole life. I like to enter into my own little world and live in my own little fantasy world.

A definition of Maladaptive daydreaming:

Daydreaming can be a normal and healthy mental activity. However, if you have it become excessive or compulsive, then your daydreaming might actually be maladaptive daydreaming.

Maladaptive daydreaming is a psychological condition where you have an intense preoccupation with vivid and immersive daydreams.

What this means is that you interact with your daydreams. Imagine it as though you are wearing virtual reality gaming glasses. And playing in a game. That you made up.

The problems come when you would rather be living in your head like that, than interact with the world.

Unfortunately, I have heard of people even having to quit their jobs and schools because their compulsions to go into this world of their own has taken over their life.

Thankfully, I have learnt to control it so that it does not take over my life and also does not interfere with my day to day tasks.

A very interesting book to read by Jonathan Brown and how he dealt and deals with his condition is called, ‘Vivid Imagination: Maladaptive Daydreaming‘.

I think it is always important to see and hear about others perspectives on this condition also.

Now it is worth noting that different people daydream for different reasons.

2 Possible reasons for day dreaming (in relation to Autism)

Psychological functions. – Daydreaming has many different psychological functions. It can be a way to escape. Something different from the unpredictable reality. It can also be used as a way to get rid of boredom. And also some kind of self entertainment. Daydreaming can also help mentally prepare for future events.
Temporal dissociation. – Daydreaming often involves a temporary dissociation. We become so absorbed in our internal mental world and lose track of time and our surroundings. We put ourselves into a mild form of trance-like state. Most likely used as a psychological escape from reality.

Being Autistic definitely makes me want to daydream very often.

It helps me be able to control my environment and also to give me some kind of peace. I enjoy being able to predict and know for sure what will happen in my imagined scenario.

Making up your own environment. Imagining up your own characters. And what will happen with those characters in your made up environment is simply something that brings my mind peace. And it is an excellent coping mechanism.

Especially, when reality is very stressful.

Daydreaming helps reduce my anxiety and brings me comfort. Because the real world is unpredictable and scary sometimes.

I constantly need to remind myself to not let it go too far. I do not want to lose control over my daydreaming and have it become maladaptive again.

Anyway, from a couple of years ago, I learnt to restrict my daydreaming to the evening and when I am alone.

So when the kids are sleeping and my husband is outside, that is when I will engage in my daydreaming.

My child

Unfortunately, I have been seeing the same need to excessively daydream in my child. Daydreaming in and of itself is not a bad thing. It can really help process emotions and personal experiences, because you think it over and are able to analyse it. And also finally, it can also help create a healthy and active imagination.

The only problem, is when it becomes excessive.

I do not want to restrict my Autistic child from their daydreaming. And I have no interest in getting them to stop. However, I do want my child to be able to control it. So that it does not control them. Similar to the way I control mine.

Anyway, I have caught my Autistic child going into daydreams during the day. A lot.

But during moments where it is essential for their concentration. Such as:

When crossing the road
During class
Whilst playing
While being asked a question

etc

These are the moments that we want our child to focus. Both in order to learn but also to be present. To at least make sure that they are not missing out on important information or things that involve them being included.

My child verbalizes their daydreams. Which means that they speak them out loud. And also I have witnessed my Autistic child acting out their daydreams with their hands and arms and actions.

I spoke to my child’s therapist about this, because I have noticed that overtime, my child’s daydreaming has gotten more severe, more frequent and lasts for longer periods of time.

And so we came up with a program together. To not eliminate my child’s daydreaming moments, but to let them understand that there should be a time and place for it.

Therapy techniques to help your child control their daydreaming.

I have observed my child. In that they like to daydream in the shower especially and before they fall asleep, as they are lying in bed.

So, we begin with this.

Step 1 – Identify triggers

If your child gets overwhelmed in certain situations and feels the need to dissociate by way of daydreaming and you have the power to prevent it. Then start there.

Because if you can stop your Autistic child from needing to dissociate because of over stimulation. That would be best.

However, if that it not possible then you should move on to step 2.

Step 2 – Let them know there is a time and place

If you catch your Autistic child speaking out loud in their day dream, or acting out their daydream. AND it is not at an appropriate time. Such as when they are crossing the road or their focus is absolutely needed.

Let them know that it is not the right time to daydream.

And then tell them when they are able to do it. Such as in the shower or when they are laying in their bed before they fall asleep.

Teaching your child that there is a time and place for everything also helps teach them self control and patience.

If your child is eventually able to control their impulses to act out or speak out their daydreams. They will also be able to gain self control in other aspects of their life. And this makes for very successful adults.

That self restraint will prove very valuable in the future.

If everyone, Autistic or non Autistic acted on all their impulses and desires, the world would be an extremely messy and violent place.

The reason why I especially tell my child to carry out their daydreams before they fall asleep is because it can be very relaxing.

It is also a time when the days activities all come back to you. And everything that has happened or been said is running through your mind.

This can make falling asleep quite a stressful time. Especially for Autistic children who struggle to fall asleep generally anyway.

So by allowing daydreaming at this time, it can actually help relax your child into calming down and falling asleep. As well as not depriving your Autistic child of their natural urge to daydream or use any of their self soothing techniques.

Step 3 – Ask them a question

If you absolutely have to intervene in their daydreams, even after you have told them that it is not the time or place for it. Such as when they are crossing the road, or have been asked a question and need to be present to answer it. Such as during verbal exams or tests for school. Then that needs to be done.

If my Autistic child is in a daydream and we are needing to cross the road. I need my child to be present and understand that you do not just walk out and act out your fantasy when the situation is severely dangerous.

If I have already told my child that crossing the road is not a time for daydream, and that they are allowed to daydream during so and so time. AND your child is still not able to snap out of it. Then you need to get their attention.

I do this by asking my Autistic child specific questions.

Not questions which will cause my child to think deeply.

And nothing that will have to make them analyse anything. Because you do not want my child to need to deeply think about something when they are already experiencing sensory overloads. Or when they are already overstimulated.

An example of a question that you can ask can be:

“What colour is your shirt?”
“Are you wearing a shirt or a t-shirt?”
“What is your name?”
“Where does papa work?”

etc

You are essentially bringing your child’s mind back to reality and making them engage with you. Without being invasive.

They absolutely know the answer to the question that you are asking them. And so makes the response and the comeback much easier on them.

For me, this is the most effective method to get my Autistic child to snap back into reality.

Sometimes I need to do this multiple times in a few minutes, and other times it is hardly necessary.

However, if this technique does not work because my child has retreated too far into their own virtual reality. I then must move on to step 4

Step 4 – Final intervention

If nothing else works, what I do is that, I get down to child’s eye level and be in front of them. I gently touch their arms and I speak directly to them.

This works every single time but it is also the most invasive method of getting your child to snap out of their daydream.

On occasion there has been situations where this has been necessary. However, very rarely.

And I only intervene in this way with my child when they are putting themselves in danger, or they need to absolutely pay attention and focus in order to not get hurt.

Step 5 – Stick to your word

Allow them to daydream to their hearts content, in their allocated time.

So if your child does start to daydream or go into their own virtual reality during the time that it is safe for them to do so and comfortable for them to fully engage in it. D0 not intervene.

Let your child have their outlet. Because it is an extremely effective way to eliminate anxiety and also help them process the days events.

These 4 steps cannot be dealt with in a day or two.

You need to give your child some time to be able to control and adjust their needs to when it is suitable for them to completely zone out.

So please have

Patience

It will take time for your child to readjust to their new daydream schedule.

And self control and self restraint is not taught in a day.

However long it takes for your child to give themselves, in order to learn how to really unwind and calm down in a safe space, doesn’t matter.

Let them get there eventually.

But I promise you their lives will be much better for it.