How to Explain Emotion to an Autistic Child: A Personal Reflection On Today
Some days are tougher than others, especially when raising kids. Whether they are autistic or not.
Today was one of those days for me, filled with emotions, chaos, and a lot of frustration.
By the end of it, I was emotionally drained, but it also reminded me of an important lesson: Teaching about emotion to an autistic child. Even the unpleasant ones, can become teachable moments.
For autistic children especially, learning to recognize and express and explain emotion to an autistic child is teaching them a critical skill that helps them navigate the world.
Let me walk you through how today unfolded and how I turned it into a chance to explain how to teach emotion to an autistic child.
A Good Start That Did not Last
I woke up, got breakfast ready for my two kids, and we even managed to make a calm trip to the supermarket.
My autistic child seemed at ease, and my youngest, who is not autistic, was in a cheerful mood. Honestly, I thought we were having one of those rare, peaceful days.
(If You need tips on shopping with an Autistic child read my post here.)
When we got back, I spent some time doing speech therapy with my autistic child. They made great progress, and it felt like a win for everyone.
We were happy, and the house was filled with positive energy. It’s moments like these that make parenting feel so rewarding.
Then came the afternoon. That is when everything flipped on its head.
Chaos Strikes
It was a very hot day today, so I decided to pump up the inflatable pool for the kids to cool down.
Simple enough, right? But in the blink of an eye, chaos unfolded.
What followed was a comedy of errors, only not so funny when you are living it.
First, my autistic child started breaking pieces of the garden fence and tossing them into the neighbor’s yard.
While I was scolding them for that, and while both my children were in the pool, my youngest decided it would be fun to fill the pool with mud from my potted plants.
Before I could even process the mess, my autistic child had an accident in the pool.
I quickly got them both out of the pool and into the shower. But as I was washing one child, the other ran out of the bathroom and had another accident – this time on the living room floor.
I was juggling cleaning the mess and calming everyone down when my autistic child started peeling the wallpaper off the wall. Once they were both dressed and clean, I turned my attention to the wall damage, only to discover that my autistic child had climbed into their bed and wet the mattress.
By this point, I was completely frazzled. My emotions were all over the place – anger, frustration, and sheer exhaustion.
I tried to stay calm, but my patience had worn thin.
Needless to say. My mood was completely ruined!
So I was grumpy and short and snappy.
By the time I sat down, I was done. My emotions were all over the place – anger, frustration, and exhaustion. My mood was not great, and my kids picked up on it immediately.
This is where I decided I could also try to learn how to explain emotion to an autistic child
I made it very clear exactly what they did to get me emotional.
I told them I needed some time alone, away from them constantly trying to corner me and make conversation.
I did not leave their presence.
Showing How to Turn Emotion To An Autistic Child into Lessons
Despite the chaos, I realized this was an opportunity to explain emotion to an autistic child who might now know about it.
Children, especially those with autism, often need clear and direct explanations to understand feelings. So, I decided to use my own emotions as an example.
I sat down with my child and told them, “I feel angry because of what happened with the pool and the mess. Anger is a feeling that makes you want to shout or do something, but it is important to control it.”
I explained that their actions – breaking the fence, making a mess etc had consequences that made me feel overwhelmed.
I also showed them how I was taking deep breaths and a “time out” to calm down. Modeling this behavior helps kids understand that it is okay to step away when emotions get too big.
Teaching About Different Types of Emotion To an Autistic Child
Over the years, I have found that breaking emotions into smaller lessons makes it easier for my autistic child to understand.
Anger
Anger can feel intense, like you want to yell or stomp.
I explained that even though anger is a normal feeling, it is important to manage it. I told my child, “When you see me taking a deep breath or walking away, it is because I need time to calm down.”
This teaches them that it is okay to pause and think before reacting.
Sadness
Sadness is another big emotion to explain.
I let my child know that sadness feels heavy, like you want to cry or sit quietly.
I said, “It’s okay to feel sad sometimes, but we do not let it stop us from moving forward.”
On tough days, I remind them that sadness passes, just like bad weather.
Happiness
Of course, it is just as important to talk about positive emotions. I told my child, “When we work together and have fun, it makes me happy.”
I encouraged them to think about what makes them happy and how we can create more of those moments.
Tools for Teaching Emotion To An Autistic Child
Teaching emotion to an autistic child is not just about conversations. It is also about using the right tools.
One of the best resources I have found is the book Feelings: A Lift-the-Flap Board Book of Emotions.
It is interactive, simple, and perfect for helping my autistic child recognize and name their feelings.
Another strategy is commenting on their emotions in real time.
If my child yells, I say, “I see that you are angry. Can you tell me why?”
This helps them connect their feelings with their actions.
Similarly, if they are jumping for joy, I point out, “You’re really happy right now! What is making you smile?”
Steps to Explain In depth Emotion To an Autistic Child
Here is what worked for me:
1. Name the Emotion
When I felt angry, I said it out loud: “I am angry because of what happened with the pool.” By naming my feelings, I modeled for my child how to recognize and articulate their own emotions and to link it to the events that have happened.
2. Link Actions to Consequences
I explained how their actions, like dismantling the fence or ripping wallpaper, had specific consequences, such as making me feel frustrated or tired. Because I had put a lot of effort and time into getting those things just right.
Maybe the shenanigans of your children caused you so much stress that it gave you a headache. Explain this to your child and describe what a headache is.
Let them know that the rest of the day will be changed because of this and you may be slower in response or less tolerant to noise levels.
This connection helps them understand that emotions are often reactions to events.
3. Talk About Physical Sensations
I described what anger feels like.
Tightness in the chest,
Faster breathing,
A hot feeling.
Associating emotion to an autistic child with physical sensations can help autistic children identify their own feelings when they feel the physical symptoms.
4. Encourage Apologies and Problem Solving
After discussing about emotion to an autistic child, I encouraged you to help your autistic child to say sorry and think of ways to make things better.
For instance, they helped me clean up the living room mess. Taking action not only teaches accountability but also helps repair emotional bonds.
Remember To Also Explain Positive Emotion To An Autistic Child
It is equally important to highlight the good emotion to an autistic child.
Later in the day, when we shared a hug and played quietly, I told my child how happy that made me.
I explained that kindness, helpfulness, and cooperation bring joy, and I made sure they saw how my mood improved because of their positive actions.
The Bigger Picture
By the end of the day, my autistic child was able to recognize that I was overwhelmed and needed space.
That is progress.
It is not always easy to stay patient, but explaining emotion to an autistic child is a long term investment. These lessons will help them develop emotional intelligence, understand others, and build healthier relationships.
It is okay if you do not get it right every time.
Tomorrow is always a new day, and every small step counts.
Keep going, and remember: you are teaching not just with words, but through your actions and your own emotional regulation.
Have a good attitude!
This one is important.
If you want to get over it you will.
You can make yourself a more positive person! And in turn, you can make your autistic child a positive child.
Some advice!
Taking Care of Yourself
As a parent, it is also important to manage your own reaction and emotion to an autistic child.
After a day like today, I remind myself to take a break once the kids are in bed. Whether it is a short nap, a cup of tea, or just sitting quietly, these little moments help me recharge.
I have also learned not to dwell on tough days.
Every parent has moments where they lose their cool – it is normal. What matters is how we bounce back and keep trying.
Sleep on it.
Everything is always lesser explosive once you have slept on it.
Go to bed early or take a quick nap.
I promise you it really does help.
Explaining emotion to an autistic child is a tough thing to do.
Even autistic adults, like myself, struggle with emotions also.
