8 Easy steps to sleep train your autistic child

I successfully managed to sleep train my autistic child.

And I understand that this might not be for everybody and that there are many controversies around this topic.

If you want to read more about gentle sleep training, I recommend this book, “The Gentle Sleep Book: Gentle, No-Tears, Sleep Solutions for Parents of Newborns to Five-Year-Olds”

Prior to even considering sleep training my autistic child, I was also in the ‘never will I ever sleep train’ boat.

Table of Contents

Why I was hesitant to sleep train my autistic child

I was worried that if I began to sleep train my autistic child, it might increase their anxiety and stress levels. Because I would essentially be changing their routine and switching things around.

Actually, it caused my child more peace and calm because they would get a better nights sleep, after we began to sleep train.

My autistic child has never been good with change. So I understood that it would affect their sleep every time there was a change in routine.

In reality, giving my autistic child a consistent bedtime routine has been their constant in their life and it is the one thing that brings them happiness, knowing that it never changes.

And I was scared it would lead to a breakdown in trust between my autistic child and myself.

This did not happen. Thank goodness!

That, and I knew it would be a very, very, very hard thing to do.

Why I decided sleep training was a must!

My autistic child and I were very

Sleep deprived
Cranky
And Moody a lot of the time.

My job in being a mother cannot be done while being sleep deprived. My sleep deprivations led to depression, mood swings AND a ton of headaches.

My autistic child was also a horrible sleeper. They would wake up randomly in the night, cry, scream and want to get up and start their day at 2 o’clock in the morning.

My autistic child could not wind down or settle down. Especially if they woke up in the middle of the night.

This would lead to moody days for my autistic child and also my autistic child would be much more sensitive throughout the day. Especially regarding sensory sensitivities.

So, I began to research and came across sleep training.

I started wanting to sleep train my autistic child after doing a lot of research for these reasons:

Help my child sleep better: I wanted my child to wake up rested and refreshed and not cranky or moody.
Improved behavior and mood: When my autistic child has slept well, they are less irritable, have fewer meltdowns, and are in a much better mood throughout the day.
Better sleep helps learning and focus: I wanted my autistic child to be able to perform better at school and also during therapy.
Help my child self-soothe back to sleep: I wanted to help my autistic child not have trouble falling asleep or staying asleep.
Build their independence: Sleep training teaches a child how to fall asleep on their own, which can help your child feel a sense of independence and confidence.
Helps myself: When my child sleeps well, it allows me to get the rest I need to care for them and yourself better.

Once you start sleep training though, it is important to note that really should NOT stop. Otherwise your child may go into regression and get anxiety around sleep.

So do it at a time when you are feeling good. And at a time when your child is not going through any changes or have any major frustrations or any anxiety or stress.

It is very important for both of you to to be in the right mindset to sleep train.

Before you begin, try to make sure that there are no major changes in your autistic child’s life. For example:

New house
New school
Divorce
New marriage
Major furniture changes

etc

Have their life be stable and be in a ‘routine’ for a while. This will make it less overwhelming and hectic for your child.

Here is just my extra 2 cents..

There are way to help your Autistic child be more inclined to sleep and most likely have a better sleep.

Some of these ways are helping them release their tensions by playing sensory games that help tire them out and also calm them down.

You can find my post on the best sensory toys and games you can buy for your Autistic child here, “10 Sensory Toys/Play Autistic Children‘.

Step 1 – Get a comfort sound pillow before you sleep train!

Before I started sleep training and my child was still sleeping in my room, I got them a sound pillow.

Every time they would go to sleep. I would press play on their pillow. The particular pillow that I got them would last for 15 minutes which is the common time that it takes people to fall asleep.

It is important to remember that this sound pillow should only be used during their sleep time and not throughout the day.

This will make your child associate whatever sound is playing, with sleep.

This helps bring your child into the right sleeping mindset.

SO every time the sound is played, your child should naturally get sleepy and so it will be easier to sleep train them.

It also encourages the mind to wind down once they get into bed because it offers them a calming routine.

Just remember to keep in mind what you are playing for your child on their sound pillow.

I say this, because my neighbor who also has a child on the spectrum did get their child a sound pillow which played a nursery rhyme. Unfortunately, their nursery would regularly play these nursery rhymes in class.

Whenever their child hears that nursery rhyme they lose their focus and concentration and become very sleepy – in the middle of class!!

Step 2 – Get into a bedtime routine

In order to be able to start to sleep train your autistic child, it is important to get into a routine.

I highly recommend doing this before you move them into their own room or move them into their own bed

Our home sleep routine is like this:

Warm bubbly bath
Moisturising
Then we have a little drink of water
We read a book
We have our sound pillows which we turn on
Tuck in with hugs and kisses

Step 3 – Get a Baby Monitor

I really recommend getting this.

If you leave the room it is important to still be able to keep an eye on your autistic child. Especially if this is the first time you are leaving them to sleep on their own independently.

See the thing is once you leave the room. You still should be able to see what is going on.

It is very important to keep an eye on them while still giving your autistic child their independence.

Also, a thing to remember with Autistic children when you try to change their routine and begin something new, they can easily get distressed.

So a camera is really also for their own safety.

Also you need to step in, in case you need to make them stop something dangerous.

Step 4 – Now you are ready to begin to sleep train – Let your child know!

I truly believe in involving your child when you change something in their day or in their routine.

I got down to the eye level of my child several times, a few days before we can to sleep train to let them know what was going to happen.

Tell your autistic child that they are older, and are big now. As a ‘big’ child, it is good for you to start sleeping in your bed.

Make sure you let them know what is expected and walk them through it.

Let them know that nothing will change except their placement of sleep.

Step 5 – Day 1 – Sleep Training Children with Autism

SO. The Day Is Today.

GOOD LUCK! because I needed God and all his Angels on my side for this one.

67 Times. My. Child. Got. Out. Of. Bed

Follow the first 4 steps above and then, as you are placing the in their beds, and you give them their hugs and kisses. Walk away.

If your child starts crying, its okay, go back and comfort them. Give them more hugs and kisses and cuddles.

Walk away again! and tell them you will be back in 2 minutes.

I highly recommend you keep the baby monitor on you at all times and watch your autistic child while you sleep train them through the screen.

As it is on DAY 1, I would step back into the room every 2 minutes. Just as I had told them. This helped my autistic child to know that I had not left. I was right there to come back and see them again.

Disclaimer,

If they decide to do anything harmful or dangerous before those 2 minutes are up. Immediately go back inside.

I like to give my child a book that they can stay lying down in bed and flick through.

Also, I make sure they have a tiny bit of light so they can look at the pages of the book.

This along with the sound works nicely.

I have no objections to my children getting used to reading a book before bed.

Step 6 – (Day 2, 3, 4, 5 etc) Now that you have started. Keep going.

The thing you can do now that you have started to sleep train your autistic child, is to slowly increase the time between the time that you go to check up on them.

I increased the time slowly in the beginning. By 1 extra minute each DAY.

Just remember to keep watching through the monitor though. And if you need to step in. IMMEDIATELY do so.

Sometimes my child does not get out of bed but calls out “mama”. So I immediately go back into the room and reassure them.

Reassuring your kid is not a problem. Just make sure they are good and then leave the room again.

Tell them you will be back in however many minutes you are up to, to check on them again.

So they know you are not going anywhere!

Play the sound pillow again and again until your child is asleep.

It really helps the the sound association with the sleeping.

Step 7 – No More Crying

You should get to a point where there is no more crying.

Your child should happily lay in bed with their sound pillow without crying.

Step 8 – Eventually I got to 10 minutes between each re-tucking in time.

Once you have gotten yourself to the 10 minute mark. You can stop.

Keep an eye on them through the monitor of course.

But that should be it.

Disclaimer: Climbing out after tuck in

If your child keeps CLIMBING OUT after you tuck them in as my autistic child kept doing, put them back in bed. Try to stick to the routine as tightly as possible.

Every single time they come out of their bed you need to put them back.

I decided which fights were worth fighting and which were not.

I do not interfere, if my autistic child has one leg over the bed.

I would not interfere at all unless my autistic child was fully out of their bed.

Disclaimer: Climbing out in the middle of the night.

My child still does this. And it has been years. Really. Not every night. But some nights.

99% of the time I bring my child back to their own bed in their own room.

I turn on their sound pillow.
Tuck them in again.
Let them know its the middle of the night and it is still sleep time.
I tell them I love them and I will be awake waiting up for them in the morning!

There are instances where we allow our children to sleep in our bed. That is when they are SICK.

As soon as they are as good as new after a few days or however long it takes, it’s back to being in their own bed.

Sometimes, my autistic child comes into my bed, very quietly and silently. If I am too exhausted to be able to get out of bed and place them back into their own, they stay till the morning.

AND THAT’S OKAY TOO!

And so now sometimes, they will ask me to sit on the corner of their bed as they fall asleep and I have no objection to doing this. I take a book and silently read by their bedside as they are falling asleep with their sound pillow and book.

Its comforting to know your parents are near!

Teaching my autistic child the independence of being able to fall asleep on their own as well as being able to self soothe themselves very effectively means that they have been taught a very valuable skill.

I now hear my autistic child waking up in the middle of the night, turning on their sound pillow and trying to fall back asleep. It is amazing and great.

Remember to keep their routines constant.

And you will see Progress.

Which autistic children are not suitable to sleep train?

To sleep train a child with autism is not easy and requires a lot of patience.

I do not believe that sleep training is a one fits all glove for children. Especially not when it comes to autistic children.

How it should be done, also greatly depends on the personality of your child.

Not all autistic children are the same. Some are:

Clingy
Emotional
Independent
Non-Emotional
Indifferent

There might be some children who really cannot handle sleep training.

In my personal opinion and from all the research I have done, sleep training autistic children which these struggles might not be a good idea:

Medical issues: If your child has medical conditions like epilepsy or breathing problems, sleep training might not be suitable. Health issues can affect sleep and need to be treated first before you begin to sleep train.
Severe sensory sensitivities: Some autistic children have extreme sensitivities to sound, light, or touch, which can make sleep training very stressful for them.
Severe Anxiety: If your autistic child has intense separation anxiety traditional sleep training methods could increase their stress. I recommend sitting on their beds until they fall asleep!
Children who are not ready: If your child is not developmentally ready to understand or cope with changes in routine, sleep training might be too overwhelming. Some children may need more time. You know your child best!
Children going through major life changes: If your child is going through major transitions (like moving, starting a new school, or family changes), adding sleep training may increase stress. It’s best to wait until things are more settled.
Sleep disorders: If your child has serious night terrors, or if your autistic child is sleepwalking, or has other sleep disorders, sleep training might need to be delayed to manage these issues first.