Recognising the Signs of Autism in Your Toddler (18–30 Months): My Journey as an Autistic Mum

As parents, we all compare.

We compare milestones, first words, sleeping habits and the way our children play. It’s completely natural. Every parent wants reassurance that their child is growing and developing well.

For me, those comparisons slowly became questions.

Why didn’t my child play like the other toddlers?

Why did they avoid eye contact?

Why did everyday noises seem to upset them so much?

At first, I convinced myself they were simply developing at their own pace. Every child is different, after all.

But as the months passed, I realised these weren’t isolated behaviours. They were part of a much bigger pattern.

Today, I’m writing this from a very different perspective.

Not only am I the mother of an autistic child, but I’m also autistic myself.

Looking back, I can now recognise many of the same traits in my own childhood that I later noticed in my child. That unique perspective has helped me understand autism in a way I never could have before.

This isn’t a medical checklist.

It’s the story of what I personally observed between the ages of 18 and 30 months, before my child was formally diagnosed.

If you’re here because you’re wondering whether your own toddler’s behaviour is typical, I hope our family’s experience helps you feel a little less alone.

Before You Read

Autism looks different in every child.

Some autistic toddlers show many early characteristics, while others show only a few. Likewise, many neurotypical children may display one or two of these behaviours during normal development.

That’s why it’s so important to look at the overall pattern rather than focusing on a single behaviour.

This article isn’t intended to diagnose autism.

Instead, it’s a personal account of the signs I noticed in my own child before they received their diagnosis. If you’re worried about your child’s development, it’s always worth discussing your concerns with your GP, health visitor or paediatrician

I highly recommend you read the book, “The Autistic Brain” by Temple Grandin and Richard Panek to get a better idea of how the brain of an autistic person works differently.

What Is Autism?

Autism, or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), is a neurodevelopmental difference that affects how a person experiences and interacts with the world.

Autistic people may experience differences in communication, social interaction, sensory processing and behaviour.

Those differences aren’t flaws.

They’re simply a different way of thinking, processing information and responding to the world around them.

As an autistic adult, I often notice details that other people seem to miss completely. My child experiences the world in a similarly unique way, although not always in exactly the same way that I do.

That’s one of the reasons autism is called a spectrum.

Every autistic person is different.

You can read more about the common signs of autism in children from 0-18 months here and also the common signs of autism in children from 30-48 months here

 

Signs of Autism Between 18 and 30 Months

These are the behaviours that stood out most during this stage of my child’s development.

    1. Limited Eye Contact

One of the first things I noticed was how rarely my child looked directly into my eyes.

If I called their name or tried to engage them in conversation, they often looked away or focused on another part of my face instead.

Sometimes they looked at my nose.

Sometimes my mouth.

Sometimes somewhere over my shoulder.

As an autistic adult, I understand this much better now.

Eye contact isn’t always comfortable for autistic people. For some, it can feel overwhelming because so much information is being processed all at once.

Interestingly, this isn’t something I personally struggle with very much.

That’s an important reminder that autism doesn’t look identical in every individual.

What one autistic person experiences may be completely different from another. (See – Autism: A Practical Guide for Parents – 2021 Dominic Bucciarelli Kasony – topic 29) 

     2. Delayed speech or verbal communication

Language developed much more slowly than I expected.

Instead of using words consistently, my child usually communicated through actions or sounds.

If they wanted something, they would often stand beside it rather than asking.

When we couldn’t work out what they needed, frustration quickly followed.

There were tears.

There was screaming.

Not because they were being difficult, but because they simply couldn’t express what they wanted.

Looking back, I realise my child wasn’t failing to communicate.

They were communicating in the only way they could at the time.As someone who is autistic, I recognise this feeling.

Even now, there are moments when finding the right words feels exhausting. I often know exactly what I want to say, but getting those thoughts from my mind into spoken words can take much longer than people realise.

That shared experience helped me understand my child’s frustration in a completely different way. (See – The Autistic Spectrum: Revised edition – 2012 – Lorna Wing, Chapter 3) 

     3. Prefers playing alone

At toddler groups and playgrounds, I couldn’t help noticing how differently my child interacted with other children.

While most toddlers were beginning to play alongside one another or copy each other’s games, my child was perfectly happy playing alone.

They weren’t unhappy.

They simply didn’t seem interested.

Another thing I noticed was how difficult imitation appeared to be.

Many toddlers naturally copy other children—kicking a football, pretending to cook or dancing to music.

My child rarely copied what they saw.

Even after watching other children perform the same activity repeatedly, they preferred to continue exploring in their own way.

That wasn’t wrong.

It was simply different.

Looking back, I wish I’d worried less about what other children were doing and focused more on celebrating my child’s unique interests (See – Autism: A Practical Guide for Parents – 2021 Dominic Bucciarelli Kasony – topic 32) 

       4. Delayed Motor Skills

Some everyday tasks seemed much harder for my child than they appeared to be for other toddlers.

• Using a spoon.
• Drinking from an open cup.
• Stacking blocks.
• Holding crayons.
• Simple puzzles.

These milestones eventually came, but they took longer and required much more practice.

Motor delays can happen for many reasons, so they don’t automatically mean a child is autistic.

However, when I looked at them alongside everything else we were noticing, they became another important piece of the picture.

(See – Autism: A Practical Guide for Parents – 2021 Dominic Bucciarelli Kasony – topic 33 and 42) 

     5. Discomfort Around Strangers and Unexpected Touch

This was one of the behaviours that friends and family noticed long before I did.

My child was very particular about personal space.

If someone unfamiliar sat too close, brushed past them or reached out unexpectedly, they would immediately move away.

It wasn’t that they disliked people.

They simply seemed overwhelmed by unexpected physical contact.

As an autistic adult, I completely understand that feeling.

Even now, I find unexpected touch uncomfortable.

I’ve simply learned how to hide my reaction better over the years.

Understanding this helped me stop viewing the behaviour as shyness or rudeness.

Instead, I saw it for what it was: a sensory difference that deserved respect rather than correction.

(See – Autism: A Practical Guide for Parents – 2021 Dominic Bucciarelli Kasony – topic 31) 

    6. Repetitive Play and Favourite Toys

One of the most classic signs of autism is repetitive behavior. Including playing with the same toy in the same way for long periods of time. (See – Autism: A Practical Guide for Parents – 2021 Dominic Bucciarelli Kasony – topic 34) 

One of my child’s greatest joys was repetition.

They could happily spend hours playing with the same toy in exactly the same way.

If someone suggested playing differently, they simply weren’t interested.

The same applied to books.

We read the same bedtime stories over and over again, often several times in one evening.

At first, I worried that this meant they weren’t developing their imagination.

Now I know that repetition often provides comfort and predictability.

For many autistic children, familiar toys, favourite books and established routines help make an unpredictable world feel much safer.

Rather than trying to stop the repetition, I learned to see it as one of the ways my child regulated themselves and found enjoyment.

That change in perspective made a huge difference for both of us.

 

    7. Sensitivity to Loud Noises and Bright Lights

By the time my child was around two years old, I realised they experienced the world very differently from most other children.

Places that other families seemed to enjoy like shopping centres, birthday parties or busy cafés, could quickly become overwhelming.

It wasn’t the people.

It wasn’t the activities.

It was everything happening at once.

• Bright lights.
• Loud conversations.
• Music playing overhead.
• Shopping trolleys rattling.

Even something as ordinary as a police siren or an ambulance passing by could cause immediate distress.

At the time, I thought my child was simply becoming overwhelmed more easily than other toddlers.

Now I understand that sensory processing differences are common in autistic people.

Their brain wasn’t overreacting.

It was processing far more sensory information than mine was.

As an autistic adult, I experience this too.

Some environments leave me mentally exhausted within minutes, even if everyone else appears perfectly comfortable.

Learning this completely changed how we approached family outings.

Instead of forcing my child to “get used to it,” I started recognising when they needed quieter spaces and sensory breaks.

Everything became much calmer once I stopped fighting against their needs and started working with them instead

   8. Playing with Toys Differently

Kids who show signs of autism will play with toys differently. (See – Autism: A Practical Guide for Parents – 2021 Dominic Bucciarelli Kasony.

One of the most fascinating things about my child was the way they explored toys.

They weren’t interested in playing with them the way they were designed.

Instead, they found their own way.

Toy cars weren’t always driven across the floor.

Instead, they’d lie down and slowly roll the wheels backwards and forwards just inches from their eyes.

Light-up toys became something to watch rather than something to play with.

They seemed completely absorbed by movement, reflections and patterns that I probably wouldn’t have noticed myself.

At first, I wondered whether I should encourage more “typical” play.

Now I’m glad I didn’t.

There wasn’t anything wrong with how my child played.

Their brain was simply exploring the world in a different way.

Watching them taught me an important lesson:

There isn’t one “correct” way to play.

Children learn through curiosity, and autistic children often express that curiosity in wonderfully unique ways.

 

    9. Repetitive Behaviours and Small Rituals

As my child grew older, I started noticing little routines that had to happen before certain activities.

They weren’t habits they could simply ignore.

They felt important.

One of the first rituals I noticed involved touching objects repeatedly before moving on.

Later, I noticed the same thing with doors.

They’d open and close them several times before walking through.

Light switches became another favourite.

Everything had to feel “just right” before they could continue.

Because I’m autistic too, some of these behaviours felt surprisingly familiar.

When I was a child, I also had repetitive routines that were incredibly difficult to interrupt.

At the time, nobody understood why.

Neither did I.

Looking back, I think these routines gave both of us something incredibly valuable:

Predictability.

When the outside world feels confusing or overwhelming, familiar routines can provide a sense of calm and control.

Rather than asking, “How do I stop this behaviour?”

I found it more helpful to ask,

“What purpose is this behaviour serving?”

That simple shift completely changed how I responded as a parent.

 

   10. Sleep Was a Daily Challenge 

If I could describe one part of our early parenting journey in a single word, it would probably be…

Exhausting.

Sleep didn’t come easily.

Bedtime often felt like a marathon rather than the peaceful end to the day I’d imagined before becoming a parent.

Even when my child was clearly tired, they struggled to settle.

It was as though their mind simply couldn’t switch off.

As an autistic adult, I know exactly what that feels like.

My own thoughts have always raced at bedtime.

Sometimes my brain is still replaying conversations, analysing the day or jumping from one thought to another long after I’ve turned the lights off.

My child seemed to experience something very similar.

Eventually, we discovered that routine made an enormous difference.

The same bedtime.

The same order.

The same calming activities every evening.

For us, it became what we called the “three Bs”:

Bath. Book. Bed.

Over time, bedtime became something my child could predict rather than something they feared.

The difference wasn’t immediate.

It took months of consistency.

But eventually those familiar routines helped all of us sleep a little better.

 

 

   11. Head Banging During Times of Distress

This was one of the hardest behaviours I experienced as a parent.

Watching your child bang their head against the floor or another hard surface is frightening.

Your instinct is to stop them immediately.

Mine certainly was.

Over time, I began to notice that it usually happened during moments of intense frustration or overwhelm.

As an autistic adult, I also remember banging my own head as a child.

Even now, it’s difficult to explain exactly why.

It wasn’t about wanting to hurt myself.

Looking back, I think it was an attempt to cope with feelings that were simply too overwhelming to process.

That understanding didn’t make it any less upsetting to witness.

But it helped me respond with compassion rather than panic.

If your child shows behaviours like this, it’s important to discuss them with your healthcare team so they can help identify the cause and suggest appropriate support.

You don’t have to face it alone.

 

    12. Showing Affection in Different Ways

One misconception I’d love to challenge is the idea that autistic children don’t enjoy affection or don’t love the people around them.

That wasn’t our experience at all.

My child loved deeply.

They simply expressed it differently.

They were happy to receive hugs from me and their dad, but they rarely initiated them themselves.

Sometimes they’d quietly come and stand beside me.

No words.

No gestures.

Just standing there.

Over time, I realised this was their way of asking for a cuddle.

Once I’d hugged them, they’d happily wander off again.

Those moments became incredibly special because I finally understood what they were communicating.

Love doesn’t always look the same.

Sometimes it isn’t expressed through kisses or cuddles.

Sometimes it’s shown through trust, quiet companionship or simply choosing to be close to someone.

Understanding your child’s own way of showing affection can completely change the way you experience those moments together.

   13. Not Responding To Their Name 

This was another behaviour that often left me questioning myself.

I’d call my child’s name once.

Twice.

Sometimes three or four times.

Nothing.

At first, I wondered whether they had hearing difficulties.

Like many parents, we arranged for their hearing to be checked.

Everything came back normal.

Over time, I realised they weren’t ignoring me.

They were simply completely absorbed in whatever had captured their attention.

I was exactly the same as a child.

When I became focused on something, the rest of the world almost disappeared.

Looking back, I understand that intense concentration is something many autistic people experience.

If your child doesn’t consistently respond to their name, it’s worth discussing with a healthcare professional.

It’s only one piece of the puzzle, but alongside other developmental differences it can help build a clearer picture.

  14. Laughing at Unexpected Times 

It was due to a lack of understanding of social norms

• My child laughs if someone hurts themselves. 
• They might laugh if someone falls down 
• They might laugh at a funeral. 
• My child will come into my face and laugh if they see me cry.

One of the things that confused me most as a parent was when my child laughed during moments that didn’t seem funny.

It is not them being inconsiderate.

My child simply does not know how to act to respond to certain situations. After my child has processed what had happened they usually became quite distressed about it.

Sometimes they would burst into giggles while staring at a shadow on the wall.

To everyone else, these moments seemed random.

To my child, they clearly weren’t.

As an autistic adult, I now understand that our brains often notice patterns, sounds and details that other people barely register. Something that feels ordinary to one person can be genuinely fascinating to someone else.

Looking back, I wish I’d spent less time wondering why they found something amusing and more time appreciating that they were experiencing joy in their own unique way.

   15. Lining Up Things

Now. Ladies and Gents. The lining up of stuff.

My child regularly perfectly lines up:

• Food 
• Toys 
• Shoes 
• Phones 
• Hair pins 

Anything and everything that has more than ‘1’ CAN and WILL be lined up. My child would line up toys, shoes, and other items meticulously.

Like many autistic children, my child sometimes preferred organising toys rather than playing with them in the way other people expected.

Cars were lined up carefully.

Building blocks were arranged by colour.

Animals were placed in neat rows across the living room floor.

If someone moved one of those carefully arranged toys, it could cause genuine distress.

At first, I worried they weren’t using their imagination.

Now I realise they were exploring patterns, order and predictability.

That wasn’t “wrong” play.

It was simply a different way of interacting with the world.

As an autistic adult, I completely understand the satisfaction that comes from organising things in a way that makes sense to your brain.

It brings a sense of calm that can be difficult to explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it themselves.

16. Potty Training Took Longer Than Expected

I truly believe I aged 100 years trying to potty train.  

The autism specialist who diagnosed my child with autism told me that one of the signs of autism is that my autistic child may never be able to use the toilet independently. (Screw her)

Potty training was one of the biggest challenges we faced.

While many of our friends’ children seemed to master it relatively quickly, our journey took much longer.

There were setbacks.

Days where everything seemed to click, followed by weeks where it felt as though we’d made no progress at all.

At the time, I felt like I was doing something wrong.

Now I know that many autistic children benefit from extra time, consistency and routines when learning new skills.

For my child, sudden changes in routine were difficult.

Introducing the toilet meant changing something they had always known, and that naturally took time.

Eventually, with patience and plenty of encouragement, we got there.

Looking back, I’m glad we stopped comparing our journey with everyone else’s.

Every child develops at their own pace, and that’s perfectly okay.

   17. A Very Limited Range of Foods

I just about died 99 times over and over when it came and still comes to getting my kid to eat. 

Everyone else would enjoy meals. But this child. LORD HAVE MERCY. My autistic child would have a really hard time around food.

I tried just about everything.

• Fries,  
• Cake,  
• Pancake,  
• Nutella toast,  
• Peanut butter toast, 
• Waffles,  
• Cookies,  
• Biscuits, 

Nope, Nope, Nope and Nope. 

Food became one of the biggest challenges in our home.

Meals I spent time preparing often went untouched.

Not because my child was being stubborn.

Because certain textures, smells and even the appearance of foods made them feel completely unacceptable.

Some days they happily ate a particular food.

The next week they refused to go anywhere near it.

For a long time, I found this incredibly frustrating because I didn’t understand what was happening.

Everything changed once I learned more about sensory processing.

Many autistic children have foods they consider “safe” because they know exactly what to expect every time they eat them.

Predictability matters.

Texture matters.

Consistency matters.

Once I stopped focusing on getting my child to eat everything and started building meals around foods they already trusted, mealtimes became much less stressful for all of us.

That experience eventually inspired many of the sensory-friendly recipes I now share with other families.

We contacted their pediatrician and also began food therapy with worked wonders for our autistic child. It also helped them become much less anxious during meals.

   18. Everyday Sensory Experiences Felt Overwhelming

If your kid struggles with things like wearing headphones, or having anything in their ears (hearing test for my kid was a nightmare.) it might be one of the signs of autism, like it was for mine.

My kid did not want anything in or around their head:

• Hairbrushes
• Shampoo 
• Water 
• Headphones 
• Shavers 
• Scissors 
• Hats
• Certain types of fabrics

One thing I hadn’t expected was just how many ordinary daily activities could become difficult because of sensory sensitivities.

• Hair brushing.
• Tooth brushing.
• Getting dressed.
• Washing hands.
• Even certain fabrics caused immediate discomfort.

What looked like an overreaction from the outside often came from genuine sensory distress.

As an autistic adult, I still have certain fabrics I can’t wear because they feel unbearably uncomfortable against my skin.

That shared experience helped me become much more patient as a parent.

Instead of assuming my child was refusing to cooperate, I began asking a different question:

“What is making this experience so uncomfortable?”

Often, making one small adjustment—a softer towel, a different toothbrush or clothing without irritating seams—made a remarkable difference.

Sometimes the smallest changes have the biggest impact.

   19. Repetitive Movements Helped with Regulation

My child often rocked backwards and forwards, flapped their hands when excited or repeatedly spun around the room.

These movements were especially noticeable during moments of excitement, anxiety or sensory overload.

When I first noticed them, I wondered whether I should try to stop them.

Now I understand these behaviours very differently.

Many autistic people use repetitive movements, often called stimming, to help regulate emotions, process sensory information or express excitement.

As an autistic adult, I still catch myself fidgeting, tapping my fingers or rocking gently when I’m concentrating.

These behaviours aren’t something that needs to be “fixed.”

They’re often a healthy way of managing an overwhelming world.

Understanding that helped me become far more accepting of both my child’s needs and my own.

 

When Should You Seek Professional Advice?

If you’ve recognised several of these behaviours in your toddler, it doesn’t automatically mean they’re autistic.

Children develop at different rates, and many behaviours can have more than one explanation.

What matters is the overall pattern.

If you have concerns, start by keeping a simple diary of the things you’re noticing.

Record examples of behaviours, when they happen and any changes over time.

Having those notes can make conversations with your GP, health visitor or paediatrician much easier and ensures you don’t have to rely on memory during appointments.

Most importantly, trust your instincts.

As parents, we often notice subtle changes long before anyone else does.

Seeking advice isn’t about putting a label on your child.

It’s about understanding their needs and making sure they receive the right support if they need it.

Final Thoughts

Looking back now, I can see that autism wasn’t revealed by one single behaviour.

It was the combination of many small differences that gradually formed a bigger picture.

Some signs appeared early.

Others became more noticeable as my child grew.

Every step of the journey taught me something new—not only about autism, but about parenting, patience and acceptance.

Being autistic myself has given me a perspective I didn’t fully appreciate at the time.

Many of the behaviours I noticed in my child were things I’d experienced growing up too, even if nobody recognised them as autistic traits back then.

If you’re reading this because you’re worried about your own toddler, I hope one thing stays with you:

Your child doesn’t need to change who they are to deserve love, understanding and support.

Whether your concerns lead to an autism assessment or simply reassure you that your child is developing in their own unique way, seeking answers is never the wrong decision.

Every child deserves to be understood.

And every parent deserves reassurance that they’re not alone on this journey.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are the earliest signs of autism in a toddler?

Some early signs can include differences in eye contact, communication, social interaction, repetitive behaviours, sensory sensitivities and delayed play skills. Every autistic child is different, so no single behaviour confirms autism on its own.

At what age do signs of autism usually become noticeable?

Some parents notice differences during the first year of life, while others become more aware between 18 months and 3 years of age. For many families, it’s the gradual pattern of behaviours that becomes more noticeable over time.

Does every child with delayed speech have autism?

No. Speech delays can happen for many reasons, including hearing difficulties and other developmental differences. If you’re concerned about your child’s communication, it’s always worth discussing it with a healthcare professional.

Can autistic toddlers be affectionate?

Absolutely. Autistic children often express affection in ways that may be different from what people expect. Some enjoy hugs and cuddles, while others show love through quiet companionship, shared interests or simply choosing to be close to the people they trust.

Should I worry if my toddler lines up toys?

Lining up toys by itself isn’t enough to suggest autism. Many young children enjoy organising objects. However, if it’s one of several developmental differences you’ve noticed, it’s worth discussing your observations with a healthcare professional.